I’m Sorry I Ghosted, Or: Stuck in a Place of Meh.
Friends and readers, I owe you an apology.
I have seriously fucking slacked on my blog for several weeks, since Christmas.
My shit, physical and emotional, has gotten the better of me for a few weeks.
Pain-somnia struck a little over a week ago and that’s not helping, because as anyone with chronic pain can tell you, sleep is what keeps us from going completely mad.
I’m pretty sure, anyway.
Also, I kept making excuses.
“I don’t have anything magical to say.”
There were also days I couldn’t sit up, and the pain was so intense that even lying down and writing didn’t appeal to me.
So here I am, after weeks of ghosting the fuck out, to give you an update.
On Monday some super weird shit happened — my muscles were spasming for so many hours and so intensely that I went to use the restroom and looked down at my leg and there were, like, lumps on my leg!
They weren’t little strange bumps, they were these giant fleshy hills on my thigh that looked like a tumor or something.
Because I’m a walking ball of anxiety anyway, on a good day, I freaked the fuck out.
It was just my muscles. What in the actual fuck?
(I’m very sweary today! What’s up with that?)
Tomorrow, Friday, I head in for lumbar facet injections bright and early in the morning. The purpose is twofold:
It will, hopefully, help with the pain in my low back and maybe some of my leg pain.
It will also, depending on how much it helps my pain, help the doctor to diagnose some of what is happening in my low back. WINNING.
In other news, my super freaking awesome mom, who happens to be a nurse at a spine clinic back in Michigan, found a couple of articles that freaking perfectly describe what the Hell I am going through — physically AND emotionally/psychologically.
That shit feels like a miracle.
I will be printing these articles and taking them with me on January 22 to my appointment with Dr. Unicorn, to discuss if we might explore these as possible diagnoses. Here are some excerpts from the article on Deep Gluteal Syndrome, just to give you an idea of why I feel it applies to me:
Failure to identify the cause of pain in a timely manner can increase pain perception, and affect mental control, patient hope and consequently quality of life.
Patients with sciatic nerve entrapment often have previous history of trauma and symptoms of sit pain, radicular pain of the lower back or hip and paresthesias of the affected leg [4, 16]. Patients may present with neurological symptoms of abnormal reflexes or motor weakness . Some symptoms may mimic a hamstring tear or intra-articular hip pathology such as aching, burning sensation or cramping in the buttock or posterior thigh.
That’s MY EVERYDAY LIFE.
So, wish me luck, friends and readers! Maybe we’re on to something! Let’s hope these damned injections work.
In other, other news, my mom is the most supportive and amazing human being on the planet. Well, next to Nathan.
Check out these recent gifts of encouragement:
I’m down 4.6 lbs. since January 1.
(Have I mentioned that I am effing DETERMINED to lose the weight I’ve gained since being rendered nearly entirely immobile by this damn back of mine? More on that later.)
I also got a project-based contract job with an old friend from college, as an editor/proofreader and potentially website copy-writer.
So, I’m getting paid to write.
I’m making 2018 count for something, y’all. 2017 did not damn well go as planned.
Happy New Year! I hope you are all well.
Thanks for indulging me.