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The messages we send our subconscious and how they impact our health.

My therapist calls ‘should’ a ‘church word.’

She says we go around ‘shoulding’ ourselves all the time, and it has an unhealthy impact on our subconscious, because by saying we should be doing something that we don’t want to do, or that isn’t in our best interests, maybe because of some misplaced desire to be polite, we are telling our subconscious that our needs come last.

She said we sit around and torture ourselves, for instance, with, ‘I should really clean the bathroom.’

Well, should I? I do like it when the bathroom is clean… That makes me feel good.

But I hate doing it and it grosses me out and it hurts my back.

So, what if I hire someone else to clean the bathroom so that I feel good without having to do something I hate? That should make my subconscious happy.

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CBD Topicals for Chronic Pain Management

I am no doctor, nor scientist, nor CBD oil expert, I am just a chronic pain patient sharing what helps me. That being said, here is what Medical News Today says about what CBD oil is, and is not:

Cannabidiol, or CBD, is one of over 60 compounds called cannabinoids. Cannabinoids are found in many plants but are most commonly linked to cannabis.

Unlike other cannabinoids such as tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), CBD does not produce a euphoric “high” or psychoactive effect. This is because CBD does not affect the same receptors as THC.

The human body has an endocannabinoid system (ECS) that receives and translates signals it receives from cannabinoids in the body. The body produces some cannabinoids on its own, which are called endocannabinoids. The ECS helps regulate functions such as sleep, immune-system responses, and pain.

I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall.

I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall. I am an author, entrepreneur, and love terrorist living with chronic pain and invisible illness. I help other badass unicorns, like myself, break away from ‘tradition’ and create a life and career that honors their special needs and limitations.

Why is It Easier to Believe in Santa Clause than to Believe in Yourself?

Who was I to walk away from the career I’d put so much into building, and sacrifice the student loan debt forgiveness that I was promised if I could just put in 6 or 7 more years? (Oh, holy shit, did 6 or 7 years sound like an eternity on the bad days.)

It didn’t matter that I was crying at work because I hated it so much. I should suck it up.

It didn’t matter that I worked with a bunch of catty back-stabbing bitches, I should get over it (more on that later.)

It didn’t matter that I didn’t make enough money, wasn’t that what I signed up for since I signed up for working to help others?!

This was all my fucking Ego talking, and it was bullshit.

I didn’t owe it to anyone to be miserable. 

I certainly didn’t owe it to my family — my mom doesn’t want me to be miserable.

I was afraid, though! I was afraid of reinventing myself, of daring to dream.

Look, I was straight up oppressed by my student loan debt. In my head, with my ego talking, I just kept thinking, “How on Earth can you consider reinventing yourself when you’re already in so much debt from this first set of dreams?!”

Serotinon Syndrome is Scary AF.

The ER doctors are kind of stumped and they do all my labs, they’re good. They do a chest x-ray, it’s good. The EKG checks out and I’m diagnosed with “heart palpitations” as far as that is concerned. But what is happening to me?

I had zero reflexes in my left legs and my pupils weren’t responding to light, I was falling over, the pain was intense because at this point I was like 12+ hours without any meds, and my blood pressure was up to like 191/87 at one point. Basically wacky shit is happening but there’s no way to draw blood and see if there’s just too much serotonin in my system.

I was ultimately diagnosed by the ER physicians as having serotonin Syndrome. Then I was sent to the Clinical Observation Unit for further care and observation.

It was a miserable night. Holy shit.

Holy Cannoli!, or: Another Vlog-Blog?

I want to be an unstoppabl einfluence. I want to help others while learning and growing myself — ideally, I’d like to make enough money to pay my bills while doing it.

That’s not something that’s impossible, it’s just not something I believe I could have achieved had I continued to feel trapped and oppressed in a traditional work setting. 

I want to help other people dream. I want to be an empowered woman who empowers other women. That’s part of why I signed up for the Unstoppable Influence 21-Day Challenge with Natasha Hazlett. You’re definitely going to watnt to check out the link included here because you can still register, and the challenge officially starts tomorrow, February 4.